For some NRF fans, Wednesday night’s weekly action just doesn’t satisfy their basketball jones. Fortunately, fantasy basketball provides a golden opportunity to scour stat-sheets, analyze box score minutia, and avoid meaningful interaction with girlfriends and family members. Now, for the first time ever, we’re proud to present “NRF Studs, Duds, and Subs,” a column designed to assist in fantasy draft strategy, trade negotiations and plucking sleepers off the waiver wire. In this installation, we focus on the Downtown Conference.

STUDS

Scott Williams – Uptempo

One of the league’s most potent bucket-makers, Williams uses his unique brand of “unstoppable slop” to turn loose balls and broken plays into almost 20 points a game. There’s a tangle of bodies, the rock disappears into a sea of flailing limbs – then there’s that eureka moment where he emerges from the scrum like a long-limbed gazelle and gallops in for an uncontested layup. And it works: despite losing two players in the first three picks of the draft, Uptempo is currently cruising along with the league’s best record (you a genius for this one, Terrence Chin!). But Williams also stuffs the stat column in ways that rarely show up in the box score. He’s a beast in the “Most Pastel Tank Tops” rankings, and can win your fantasy team the “Looks like an Extra from Menace II Society” category all by himself. Geah.

Dan Solomito – Dunk

As a six-foot-five sharpshooter with a D-1 pedigree, Stadium Dan is one of the major reasons the Dunk franchise has managed to remain respectable following the loss of last year’s top scorer and rebounder, Will Blunt (another reason is captain Steve Halo’s top-secret training regiment, more on that later). But beyond Dan’s scoring acumen and general good-guyness, he’s also a valuable fantasy basketball conduit: as a Hip-Hop manager and talent scout, he has the inside track on winning owners the “Rap Collaboration” category. Stay tuned for the surefire hit record “NRF Ryder Muzik” featuring the Kidz in the Hall, Donnis, Stalley, Baje One, DJ Webstar and Darius “Lil Chi-Town” Broadwater. And the Jermaine Dupri/Bang Takenouchi remix is fire.

Tony Chan – Terminator

CHANAGRAM TIME! Chandemonium. Chanic in the Disco. Chanibal Lecter, DJ Green Chantern. Chan the Automator. Juelz Chantana and Chan’ron Giles, “Dipset Chanthem.” Channel Live. Method Chan. Chan Solomito, Chan Gladstone, Brendan Callachan. Terrence Chan. Chan Gittens. Chan Marino. Chan Dierdorf. Oil Chan Boyd. Channy Ramirez. Jeff Chan Gundy. Mickey Chantle. Chan of La Mancha. The Chan, The Legend. A Chan among boys. Chand of the Lost. Chanice Joplin. Terminal Ovarian Chancer. Add on in comments section, friends.

DUDS

Kevin Wildes – Air Force One

If you drafted Kevin Wildes hoping to rack up points in such important rotisserie categories as "steals", "aggressive fouls" and "really aggressive fouls," the sandy-haired swingman's pitiful attendance has likely left your squad looking for thug in all the wrong places. Sure, Buck Wildes is out in Bristol blowing up boulders and getting fashion advice from The Situation, but in only one game has he showed up to hipcheck Treasure Kyn Neal into a different, more painful, dimension. If your fantasy team is desperate for another player who can contribute to the "psychopath in colorful socks" category, convince his teammate Cory Hogan to cop some new knee-highs -- who else has earned a technical foul from the sideline this year? 

Dave Jacoby – Delta Force

After the grizzled veteran was selected first overall in the 2009 draft, many believed Dave Jacoby was set to rack up career numbers -- but such notions were instilled before Jacoby went Hollywood. Privately, members of Delta Force are grousing that the grizzled big man is spending too much time attempting to secure an NRF "Day in the Life" spinoff (working title: "All Jacoby Everything") and not enough time heaving around the medicine ball with Lenny Dixon in the Delta Compound. When will the grizzled center stop preening in front of the camera in jaunty hats like some grizzled Chaplin-era coxcomb? And just who is his wonderful milliner?

Danny Milan – Uptempo

In fantasy leagues where scoring systems revolve around swarthy handsomeness, this Rony Seikaly impersonator was surely a top pick. But disaster struck when the Uptempo center underwent emergency surgery to remove a hive of angry wasps from his nasal passage -- and now Milan wears a plastic mask that shields his smoldering good looks. Once-swooning female fans now recoil in horror when he steps on the court. Babies weep. Small purse-dwelling dogs asphyxiate themselves on tubes of lipstick. Still, in leagues that reward guys who could moonlight as horror movie characters, Danny is a fine surrogate for those who missed out on Rafael "Gremlins 3" DaSilva.

SUBS 

Lucian Dickson – Air Force One

With AF1's crippling attendance issues, the youngest player in NRF history is suddenly putting up serious numbers: over the last two games, Dickson is averaging close to a double-double. He's scrawny, scrappy, and when his gets the rock, the shot is always going up – thusly, he meshes the keen scoring mentality of the Golden State Warriors’ Corey Maggette with the imposing appearance of a stork in a Yankee fitted.

Wil Dubose – Dunk

It looks like all those sensual deep tissue massages Wil Dubose has been getting from the trainer are paying off on the hardwood. Under the tutelage of yacht-rocking captain Steve Halo, Dubose has become a powerful rebounder and an underrated post scorer. According the legend, Halo has a secret room beneath Lit where Dubose and his other charges train by punching hanging slabs of meat while listening to Joy Division on vintage vinyl.

Al Reyes – Terminator

Big Al’s excellent play has been one of the keys to Terminator’s early season success (oh, and the addition of Omar Grant probably helped a smidgen too), but not every fantasy owner is pleased with Reyes thus far. You see, as one of the most demonstrative members of the NRF's most vocal team, he was highly regarded in leagues that value technical fouls above all else. But somehow, in the cacophony of complaining that echoes to the rafters every time Term takes the court, Reyes' protestations have been overheard by the referees. We don't think it will last. Scoop Big Al off the waiver wire if he's available in your league -- you can't keep the NRF's version of Rasheed Wallace quiet for long.