Some background: On April 1st, Terrence Chin sent me an e-mail that said I got traded to Team Dunk for Jay "Baby Barkley" Corbin. I fell for it hook, line and sinker. This was a JFK assasination level cover up involving Gabe, Jacoby, Danny, PR, and even the cute cop at the front desk. The following is my lowly blog entry after getting faux-traded:

Top 5 Things I Thought About After Being Traded to Team Dunk on April Fool's Day

5. What? I have to wear Corbin's jersey now?
PR sent a follow up e-mail that Corbin and I would have to trade jerseys. I was going to have to spend three months running around in a jersey covered in Corbin's blood, sweat and turnovers.

4. Phew, I don't have to worry about getting Mango Tango'd.
Dao can run by me. Mike Won, now that he's on another team, can run by me. If you're reading this, you can probably run by me. The difference is when you're guarding Bobbito, he's actively trying to put you on his YouTube reel. Actual nightmare:

"Welcome to San Juan Mr. Wildes. We have your room waiti...umm, hold on. Are you the same Wildes that got mango tango'd on Bob's Facebook page? Ha! Ha! Ha!" Then a volcano erupts pirhanas and I get eaten alive. Told you, weird nightmare.

3. Danny must be hurt.
This is a pretty easy deduction. If the Patriots had kept Matt Cassell that meant Tom Brady was still hurt. Trading me for Baby Barkley meant that Danny "Baby Franklin Delanor Roosevelt" Milan was hiding an injury and Terrence needed size (pause).

2. I need a new storyline
I've been crafting an "Uptempo is the best" storyline for months. Now I was going to have to backtrack and start poking holes in my own poke-hole-proof theory. Team Dunk was now the best. I started with "Scott Williams cheats" and ended with "Jay Corbin is pancreatic cancer and Uptempo is a pancreas."

1. Say goodbye to the post-game
Team Uptempo prides itself on living by cheesy bumper sticker mottos like, "Work Hard Play Hard" and "Imagine Whirled Peas." The first one is more applicable here. A tasty post-game beverage is Team Uptempo's version of an ice tub. I'll miss that.